For this Birth Story, I thought I would let Lexi (birth mother) tell her story…. The Full Film is at the end!

Third Trimester: The Start of Surrender

Birth requires surrender…no matter what.

I knew this going into pregnancy. What I didn’t consider is that my surrender would begin many months before my son ever entered the world.

Before pregnancy, I was eating super healthy, had lost weight and maintained a comfortable physique, balanced my hormones, got regular IV drips with vitamins, and the list goes on. I wanted to prepare myself as best as possible for pregnancy…and I did.

However, despite my best intentions, every month leading up to Mateo’s birth was a reminder that no matter how healthy I purposed to be, I still didn’t have control over the outcome. Each health issue I faced in pregnancy was a new invitation to loosen my grip and trust God with this birth. He had reasons for allowing me to go through pregnancy challenges, and looking back, I believe it had to do with who He has called me to help.

Back in August, I wrapped up my second trimester with a kidney stone. Worst pain I had ever experienced up to that point. In September, I endured weeks of severe lower abdominal pain. Turns out to have been a severe case of round ligament pain that wouldn’t let up. Then in October, I dealt with rising blood sugars and blood pressures.

To top it all off, at 39 weeks, my midwife group dropped me as a homebirth client because Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) was recommending induction due to my rising blood sugars.

When I initially had seen MFM the week prior, the NP was amazing! She thought everything looked good and I could still proceed with the home birth I had planned.

However, the following week I did a follow up with another MFM nurse practitioner and her bias was clear…she didn’t believe I should be doing a home birth at all. She was pushing me to have an induction because of the “risks” of continuing to stay pregnant.

When I asked for the risk statistics specific to my case…stillbirth risk, complication rates, etc….she didn’t have any for me. Only a generic statistic for women with gestational diabetes. Well, that wasn’t good enough to convince me to do an induction at 39 weeks.

She said if I wanted to go to 40 weeks I could, but I needed to get on insulin. I questioned why the sudden change in course of action from the previous week to this week (not too much had changed, by the way). She simply said, “There’s no reason for you to remain pregnant. You are at increased risk for complications. This is what ACOG recommends.”

I asked if she could provide me specific risk statistics for my situation. She couldn’t. However, I knew the statistic for first time induction failure. About 1 in 4 moms end up in a C-section due to fetal distress or failure to progress. No thanks! That number mattered more than the generic “increased risk for complications due to for gestational diabetes” statistic.

I remember sitting alone in my living room when I got dropped by my initial midwives, completely undone, crying out to God and telling Him, “I’m so frustrated by all this. At this point, whatever you want, Lord. I just want my baby here.”

I prayed. I reviewed labs, ultrasounds, everything. And I just felt like it wasn’t time for an induction.

Around that time, God opened another door. I found a midwife willing to take me on at 39 weeks…something that almost never happens. She believed in me, helped me get my blood sugars under control, and provided the space to trust my body again. I really just wanted to have a shot at a home-birth and go into labor naturally…which I did!

Upon reflection, I wasn’t equipped with the knowledge I needed to truly manage gestational diabetes and prevent pre eclampsia. Praise God I have so much more knowledge now thanks to the angel of a midwife who carried me to the end!

The Lead up to Mateo’s Birth

Once we secured our new midwife, we got everything settled and ready for delivery. My mama arrived on 10/30 and the next morning, I lost my mucus plug! I could tell my body was waiting for her to get here. That day felt light and filled with anticipation. We went to a coffee shop and enjoyed time with family. I even wrapped up the evening with that silly baby mama dance reel. They say movement progresses labor, right?! Surprise surprise! That night, contractions picked up. They weren’t comfortable, but they were worse than Braxton Hicks, so I knew early labor was beginning.

Because they were manageable enough, I let Jordan sleep, knowing that the next day could hold a lot, and I knew I would need him at his best. I just focused on breathing intentionally and relaxing.

By morning on 11/1, the contractions slowed. I wasn’t discouraged because I knew that could be part of early labor. I just enjoyed the rest breaks I was getting, thanking God for them. I rolled with the punches and just spent time with mom and Jordan at home. It was awesome! I felt very at peace! (I found out later that even with these rest breaks, my contractions were dilating my cervix, which was so encouraging!)

The Birth of Mateo: A different kind of surrender

Mateo’s Birth Story Part 1

Thanks to my husband for being there with me every step of the way.

When labor intensified again the following night, we called the team. My midwife could tell from the sounds I was making that I was heading into active labor. When they arrived, they evaluated his heart rate and checked my vitals and everything looked good (minus a slight elevation in my blood pressure). My midwife started giving me a homeopathic drink around that time to try and regulate the pressures, which worked for a while. Her team went downstairs and let me continue to labor peacefully with Jordan and my mom in the room upstairs.

When the next morning came (11/2), my contractions slowed down again, but unfortunately, my blood pressures were creeping up.…not the greatest combo. My midwife encouraged me to do some things to progress labor. I also did some things to try to get my water to break naturally. No luck! Whenever I would rest, the contractions would fade.

When we initially checked my cervix after two days of this early labor, they said I was 5 cm almost 6 cm and the baby was really low! I was so excited! Even though the contractions were intense, I was able to work through them peacefully because I felt safe & supported at home.

Unfortunately, though, something then happened in the birth space that changed the dynamic in the room and created a lot of stress for me. When we rechecked my cervix a couple hours later, they said I had regressed. I was now 3 to 4 cm and the baby’s head moved back up from +1 to -1.

I was so confused. Previously a labor and delivery nurse, how did I not know that I could go backwards?! I later learned that when the body experiences an environmental stressor, the cervix can actually recoil (or close up). Makes sense.

It was at this point that I started struggling to manage my contractions. I literally felt my entire body tense up from fear, which made the pain worse. It’s true what they say: feeling comfortable & safe helps you endure so much more in labor.

The Birth of Mateo Part 2: Hospital Transfer for Blood Pressures

With my pressures rising and labor stalling, my midwife gently recommended that we go to the OB ER so I could be evaluated for preeclampsia.

That was the moment I truly broke down. I was hurting, frustrated, and felt defeated honestly. I really didn’t want to go because I loved being at home. I’ve also seen too much in the hospital and I didn’t want to subject myself to the potential of any of that happening to me. Ironic considering I’m a nurse, I know! Looking back, though, I realized that this moment of defeat became MY big moment of surrender.

At that point, I had yet another tough decision to make. Clinically, I started getting concerned about the blood pressures. I knew that if they kept rising, I could become eclamptic (seizures, stroke, coma, etc). This was a risk I wasn’t willing to take.. so we decided it was wisest for me to go in.

At the hospital, one of my preeclampsia labs came back positive so I decided to stay and get admitted. Once admitted, I then had another decision to make. I knew I had to progress labor at this point since I had stalled due to all the stress.

While my initial goal was to go unmedicated, part of my birth plan stated that if I needed to transfer to a hospital and augment my labor with Pitocin, I would most likely get an epidural, especially if I wasn’t yet in active labor. Considering I was only 4cm, and had been laboring on and off for two days, I decided to get one because rest became the priority in that situation.

Real nurse thoughts on this: While it’s not impossible to labor naturally with Pitocin, I have taken care of VERY FEW women that have successfully done it. I do know some who have and y’all are TRUE champions!

In my opinion, I feel like it’s unfair for a woman’s first birth experience to be with Pitocin contractions, especially if she desires to have future unmedicated births (which I do). Pitocin contractions are not the same as natural contractions.

Note: in that video where I was dancing to Eminem I was 5cm!!! This was before I went backwards. I was managing so well before all the stress entered the story. I endured better at 5cm in peace than I did at 3cm stressed.

All that to say, my epidural placement went perfect. I fell into a deep, 3-hour, restorative rest afterwards and when I woke up, it was just me and God in the quiet of the room (with my mom, mother-in-law, and husband sleeping in the chairs beside me). I noticed a crucifix on the wall in front of me. One thing I know is that the Lord always shows up for me in difficult situations. I felt in the depth of my heart Jesus whisper, “I am with you always no matter where you are. You don’t need to be afraid.”

I finally had regained a sense of peace.

To top things off, God blessed me with a great team at St. Thomas (shout out to Cassie my nurse and Dr. Bryant, my provider). They worked with me very well. I had autonomy over how slowly we increased the Pitocin, when we broke my water, when we started insulin, etc. My golden hour was protected. We did optimal cord clamping & they were supportive of my decisions regarding baby meds and post delivery care. So grateful!!

The Birth of Mateo Part 3:

I went from 4cm to 10cm in 12 hours, and was ready to push. THAT was final moment of surrender before he was born. Pretty sure my epidural wasn’t working at the end because the pressure and pain that I experienced was so great. It literally took me to my breaking point. They say you forget what it felt like, and I definitely haven’t forgotten yet. Lol!

I love how God was merciful to give me the rest I needed, but still let me experience the pain of childbirth like I wanted. A weird thing to want in the minds of many, but I have my reasons.

After pushing for an hour and a half, our sweet Mateo was born at 1:19pm on November 3rd!

I felt so proud of all I had endured to get to this point. I felt empowered that I advocated for both myself and Mateo throughout my pregnancy and labor. I felt strong and capable of making wise, intentional decisions as a mother.

A couple days into postpartum, it hit me: that was the whole point.

The journey into motherhood is arguably the most transformative experience we will ever face as women.

As I reflected back on everything, I realized:
I pushed off induction & my body went into labor naturally right before my due date. I actually delivered ON my due date!
I labored at home for a while peacefully & got my shot at a home birth, which by the end of my pregnancy was the biggest thing I wanted.
I learned how to fiercely advocate for my health and that of my baby before he was even born.
I got to practice intentional motherhood before my baby was in my arms.
I got to experience both the natural world and hospital world while laboring, which ironically is one of my main missions with my business … to be able to bridge this gap for moms.

Birth didn’t just gift me my son.
It catapulted me into motherhood.

And I wouldn’t change the way this story shaped me…for anything.